Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
