i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
