Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
