if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
