The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
