Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
