Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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