You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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