This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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