beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
