New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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