the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
