is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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