oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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