Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
