jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
