New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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