one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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