So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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