garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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