my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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