tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
