Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
