3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
