Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
