Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
