11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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