this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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