she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
