as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
