someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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