She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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