I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
