6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
