dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
this is an emotional support booty call
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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