oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
