you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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