Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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