I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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