Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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