This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
