If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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