i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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