You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
