If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
