i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
