Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
