Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
