I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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