Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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