That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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