zippers are such a cool invention
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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