Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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