My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
