i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
