So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
