You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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