No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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