I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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