Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
