yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
