yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sext me about skeletons
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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