On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
my poor anus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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