He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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